Edited verison of The Bush Writing

It was another normal spring day! The birds were chirping and the sun shone brightly as Ally a 15 year old girl was happily strolling home from school. Ally has brown straight hair and gemstone green eyes. She is a very organised girl and is also very cautions, she loves to learn and spend time with her auntie Bertha. Ally also has a best friend who is also 15 years old. Her name is Tessa and is absolutely not at all like Ally because she is very reckless and has a giant sense of humor. Tessa has blonde wavy hair with sky blue eyes and loves to eat everything! When Ally arrived to her big yellow house her parents were sitting on the couch watching T.V, “Hi dear how was school?” asked Ally’s mother who looked just like Ally but had hazel nut eyes. Ally set her bag down beside the front door “Oh It was just another great day and me and Tessa are going on a hike tomorrow and I know its going to fun!” replied Ally. Her mother’s face turned from happy and bright to sad and almost angry, “Umm sweetheart I don’t think Tessa is a good influence for you I mean she is sweet but you know..” said her mum sadly. Ally ignored her mother and stomped upstairs filled with anger to her lavender room. Ally floopped onto her bed and thought to herself why her mother thinks Tessa is bad? Tessa is great but she is very reckless, Ally didn’t care though. They had been friends ever since middle school, Ally had to stop thinking about negative stuff and focus on the fun hike tomorrow! She knew that they we’re going to have a blast!

The next day came faster than lighting, Ally and Tessa were already at the giant hiking spot. They were so excited and couldn’t wait to start their adventurous journey, but before they could go they had to read the long list rules. “URRGGGH let’s just go already! We don’t need to read the rules will be fine!” complained Tessa, Ally did really want to go but she wanted to finish reading the rules so she knew how to be safe, but in the end she decided that Tessa was right. So off they went up the hiking track, and for not reading all the rules they missed the most important rule of all! If it rains stay on the path. The forest was so beautiful and full with the color of fresh green, the two best friends chatted as they slowly hiked the tall hill and looked at all the wonderful things in the forest like all the vibrant flowers to the giant trees. The great scenery didn’t stay so wonderful for long because all of a sudden it started pouring down with rain! The rain were like bombs falling fast from the grey sky and exploding as they hit the ground.  “Oh no we need to find shelter!” Shouted Ally which was against the last rule. Then Tessa spotted a large cave so they ran in and sat down in the cold and damp cave, Ally opened her bag and grabbed out two blankets and handed one to Tessa, Ally dug deep into her bag to find the two huge lunch boxes she packed, when she got them out they were completely empty! Then Ally gave Tessa long and hard stare until she confessed “ OKAY OKAY I ate the food, I was hungry you should know me by know!” Shouted Tessa sadly, the rain poured and poured it was like it wasn’t going to stop. “ I thought it wasn’t supposed to rain today” said Ally changing the subject, Tessa reached into her own bag and brought out a walkie talkie. “We can use this to call someone” suggested Tessa as Ally was about to grab the walkie talkie,out of nowhere they heard a loud and terrifying ROAR!!


The blue represents the added detail I put in.
The red represents the errors I did at the start.